im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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