jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
