Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We don't watch enough power rangers
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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