I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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