im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
