Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
