I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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