dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
