I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
