Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
