I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
