nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
