So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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