I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
