he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
