my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
