garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
