where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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