So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
