I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
