All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
