She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
