people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
