I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
