the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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