Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
