So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
