So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
