My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
