Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
zippers are such a cool invention
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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