He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
