I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
