There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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