just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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