mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
