Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
