do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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