Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
