I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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