I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
