Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she smelled like a LAN party
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
