If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
