YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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