This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
