i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
