I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
