Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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