Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
