He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
