It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
