I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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