I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
