i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
