Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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