Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
